Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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