Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
