I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
