I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
