If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
