I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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