Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
