When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
we're so committed to being not committed
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
