The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
