Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize