Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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