I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
