Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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