tell your sister to shave her snatch
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
