dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
