Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
