It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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