You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
