Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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