So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
