So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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