I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
