Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize