You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
