You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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