WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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