I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
