He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
