I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
