but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize