I cannot find my penis.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I need to calm my uterus...
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Text me some of your sweat
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