Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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