i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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