all she had left on were here heels. phone five
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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