I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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