Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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