coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
