pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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