I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
