I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
