So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize