i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
pray to the hookup gods
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
