I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
