just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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