Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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