I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
