my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
