I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
