if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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