the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
why is half of my head shaved?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
