i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
