somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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