Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
