he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
it glows. i had to have it.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
