so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
