I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
