a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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