Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize