In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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