I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
