you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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