Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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