i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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