like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
