Are we in a gay sports bar?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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