well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize