: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
