We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
